No, that’s not true. Daniel and Tobias get a pass, because they were the only mf out there with any damn sense off the rip.
First, yes, I love the series. Yes, I will watch it again and again (well, seasons 1-2 at least), and yes, I will bitch and bitch every single time.
I mean, granted it’s supposed to be irritating, frustrating, draining, etc..all of that.
If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re about to be spoiled, just letting you know. I mean, it is quite a few years old at this point, but none of that matters when it comes to me hyperfocusing.
Okay, so….
If I’m out minding my business and someone starts waddling up to me making noises like TV static and trying to bite me, I am not going to:
- Say “Hey, are you all right?”
- Stand there and let them run or hobble up on me whatever their zombie ass is in the mood to do. Like, these people just sit there and watch as this fking eating machine walks right up to them and eats them, then they want to scream – like, bish, scream as you’re running. They’re dead. They can’t run. Well, they couldn’t at that time until the showrunners decided to gift them with that trait which is a different post that probably won’t ever get written.
- Allow them anywhere near me. No, for real. Like, I will hit them with my bag, a book, a shoe, a rock, a bench, a trash can, a pigeon feather, French fries, some kid’s fking bike, whatever I can get my hands on.
- Remain in the vicinity – seriously, my ass is running. Like, FAST AS FK BOI. I might even trample some people to get the fk away from some asshole out here eating throats like they’re candy.
- Go about my day as if I just encountered some random biter on the loose. I’m gonna be that crazy person yelling about someone eating people like fking Paul Revere as my ass runs, drives, flies, whatever I have to do to get the hell away from it.
I mean, come the fk on – for real? Yeah, yeah, I know people have written these exact articles years before me, but I mean…if this shit ever goes down for real, we are doomed.
Daniel’s ass didn’t have to be told twice; he was like “welp, let me grab my roll of torture equipment, my wife, and kid, and fk the rest of you dipshits.” Tobias was like “yeah, shit’s about to drop right now, give me my knife, peace out.”
Then there are the people who “wander.”
Nothing makes my anxiety go through the roof faster than a character who is like “la dee dah, let me just leave the house, or safe area, and go wandering in the woods, or in a vacant house, or in an old hotel, or a bloody camper, or the sewer, or a toilet factory…I mean – you deserve to get your ass chewed the fk up at that point.
I’m still gonna watch it tho, because it is fantastic, amazing, tight, all the things.
But I’m still gonna bitch about the stupid people.